Mom Guilt + A Slouchy Sweater

SWEATER: LOFT // BRALETTE: Nordstrom // JEANS: Express // BOOTS: Sole Society SUNGLASSES: Nordstrom

I wanted to write about something today that has been weighing heavy on my heart, mom guilt. It is a real thing and hit me like a ton of bricks since having Scarlett. There has not been a day that goes by since she was born that I do not feel guilty about something. In the beginning my guilt stemmed from feeding. I wanted so badly (though I swore prior to having her I wasn’t going to pressure myself when it came to breastfeeding) for nursing to work. And in the end it did work. But that first month, Scarlett cluster fed every single night and it was SO hard. Ryan and I were going crazy analyzing and over-analyzing why our baby girl wanted to eat constantly from the hours of 6 pm to midnight. I immediately placed blame on myself. I began to question my ability to provide sustenance to our baby. And I began to doubt my body. The guilt I felt nearly closed our chapter on breastfeeding completely, but we kept on and it eventually worked out. But man did that mom guilt really kick into overdrive.

Going back to work was my next biggest source of mom guilt. This was a decision Ryan and I had made prior to having Scarlett. I would go back to work part-time. But when the time came I felt beyond guilty taking her away from the only people she really felt comfortable with. This is a guilt I continue to struggle with. But, I have seen so much benefit from Scarlett getting to go to the in-home daycare. She gets to play with other babies/toddlers and I have seen her become such an outgoing baby. Do I still worry about germs and separation anxiety? Every. Single. Day. Do I continue to feel guilty that I sort of enjoy going to work two days a week? ABSOLUTELY!

Or how about those nightly showers I like to sneak in just to get away for a moment. Oftentimes I find myself just standing in the shower for minutes on end trying to catch a break. And then the guilt creeps in and I step away from this newly discovered relaxation zone. Why do we as mom’s find the need to carry such guilt? I didn’t play with her enough today. I didn’t teach her enough today. She watched too much Mickey today. Did she eat enough? Did she laugh or smile enough? Did I take too much time for myself today?

Scarlett is now 8 months old and while this mom guilt still creeps in somewhat regularly, I have learned to think it through and give myself some credit. I have added back some of my favorite things to my daily life. I go to the gym regularly, I spend an hour getting ready in the bathroom all alone on occasion (generally if Ryan is home, because let’s be real that wouldn’t happen without help). I will drink that second glass of wine. I do these things because they make ME feel better. I have learned that while mom guilt may always creep in, I can find little ways to remind myself that I AM enough and I DO enough.

So in saying all that heavy stuff, these pictures were taken on a Sunday afternoon. I spent an hour that morning getting ready and Ryan, Scarlett and I walked up the street to have a nice sit-down lunch (sit-down meals are almost unheard of at the moment due to our rambunctious 8 month old). I felt really good about myself and didn’t feel the least bit guilty about taking some time to make myself feel better. So don’t forget whether you are a mama or just a busy workin’ woman, you ARE worthy and you ARE doing enough.